Some days I don’t know where to turn…I am making so many changes. I feel overwhelmed, beaten down, exhausted, I wonder if it’s worth it. When I’m able to see above the ashes of my wretched past, I catch a glimmer of hope…a brief glimpse of what I could be. That spunky happy kid….the one I know I could have been.
Yesterday, I had to tell my story (a brief rundown) and when I saw it on paper, I was stunned that the truth of my life was so obvious….anyone could have seen it, if they looked….but no one did.
I’ve been trying to make sense of my life for a very long long time. I have known some of the truth for over 25 years but I am finding that I still need desperately to continue to ‘peel the onion’. It’s not fun but I know it’s essential….for my physical and metal health.
We do an annual physical checkup, why not a mental checkup? Oh, I know, we are all just fine…right? That’s what I said so many times over the years…I knew it wasn’t true but it’s so important to appear, as if everything is just fine. I didn’t want any attention. I would be ok. But I wasn’t and soon it started to take over my whole body, my health deteriorated and soon I couldn’t cope with much of anything.
I opted for help…mental health. I found a fantastic therapist and I see him once a week, not your yearly checkup plan….but one that’s necessary, for now. I’m glad I did…I want to feel whole and have a happy spunky little kid in me.
I know I can….