Some days I don’t know where to turn…I am making so many changes. I feel overwhelmed, beaten down, exhausted, I wonder if it’s worth it. When I’m able to see above the ashes of my wretched past, I catch a glimmer of hope…a brief glimpse of what I could be. That spunky happy kid….the one I know I could have been.
Yesterday, I had to tell my story (a brief rundown) and when I saw it on paper, I was stunned that the truth of my life was so obvious….anyone could have seen it, if they looked….but no one did.
I’ve been trying to make sense of my life for a very long long time. I have known some of the truth for over 25 years but I am finding that I still need desperately to continue to ‘peel the onion’. It’s not fun but I know it’s essential….for my physical and metal health.
We do an annual physical checkup, why not a mental checkup? Oh, I know, we are all just fine…right? That’s what I said so many times over the years…I knew it wasn’t true but it’s so important to appear, as if everything is just fine. I didn’t want any attention. I would be ok. But I wasn’t and soon it started to take over my whole body, my health deteriorated and soon I couldn’t cope with much of anything.
I opted for help…mental health. I found a fantastic therapist and I see him once a week, not your yearly checkup plan….but one that’s necessary, for now. I’m glad I did…I want to feel whole and have a happy spunky little kid in me.
I know I can….
I am so glad you are getting help and you are able to talk freely about yourself I am sure it will help, good luck I am sure that Spunky Kid is in there somewhere.
ReplyDeleteLove Jill
I know you can do it too!! Keep at it, ask for help if you need it and know that you have so many friends who love you.
ReplyDeleteYou have taken the first step in finding that happy kid and that is recognizing you need help. So many fake it and it only gets worse. Anytime you need to talk just call me, seriously. I think you know I can be a bit chatty. But I can also be a good listener. And sometimes that helps someone to listen while you talk it out. Someone not to criticize or offer opinions, just listen. Here's to my wonderful blog friend! Hugs and Love today!
ReplyDeleteOf course you can, and will. I am so glad you took charge and got the help you knew you needed. There is never any shame in that!!!! Here's to you feeling like that spunky kid again!!!!
ReplyDeleteXO Kris
This hit the nail on the head. I haven't gotten as far as you have & since you and Jayme have taken this route maybe it is one that I should consider though I am sure quite expensive. Another factor. Thanks for sharing. I wish you continued good mental health. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteKaren, I see in you today that spunky kid who didn't get to be one when you were young! Accept that it's ok to be that cute spunky kid now! Because YOU ARE! That's one of the reasons you are beginning to have so much fun now with all the neat things you are doing in life!! You can do it!! You ARE doing it!! Luv you!! Lori
ReplyDeleteKaren,
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you feel. I do know I want you to be happy. I will be thinking of you everyday.
NancyJo
I hope you are feeling up to yourself again soon.I am glad you are getting help.Relief should come soon.You can do it :-)
ReplyDeleteAnne
I know you can, I know you can!!!
ReplyDeleteKaren, you've been such a very special friend to me..... and I thank you so much for your kind/supporting words to me as I've traveled the Alzheimer journey with my David.
Please know that I'm with you and for you.... keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Love,
hey there my dear friend, I know you will find your 'inner child'... I've seen glimps of her....
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to travel the 'road of life' slowly, to check out each rut along the way....but there will come a day when you will see the horizon, you'll be your proverbal 'convertable' whith your hair blowing in the wind and a ginormous grin on your face!
And you will have your friends sharing the ride with you!
We'll be shouting 'Yehaw! all the way!
hugz
>^..^<
You and me both kiddo....we put up a good front don't we. I can't afford a therapist but I got really physically ill from all the "drama" in my life so I came down here away from everything and everyone and I've done a lot of self-work through time alone, mediation, books, journaling an hour each morning. It's taken years but my faith in God and faith in myself has gotten me through....at least I'm still here! LOL! My mantra has been "rejection is God's protection" and if you knew my life story you'd know why. If you ever want to talk, I'm here...I could use a friend myself. Take care and pat yourself on the back for being so courageous and look at the wonderful life you've created for yourself. You should be very proud of yourself! And I can still see the sparkle in your eyes of that little girl! You go girlfriend!
ReplyDelete